F I'm So Vintage: ouch
Saturday, March 24, 2012

ouch

Do you hate criticism as much as I do? Do you get all defensive and up in arms about the whole thing, like me? I mean really, who could possibly not like my fabulous blog, my wonderful shop, my twirly whirly hair........ 






I met up with an old friend a while ago and while we were having lunch she looked at me and said "Does your sister (who is older than me by the way) have as many wrinkles as you do? OUCH!! " I immediately became defensive and said, "well she is older than me and baked in the sun all the time, so she probably has more". HMMPH!!


I used to be a counselor, so you would think I would have better coping skills than that, but I am just as vain as the next girl, and my feelings were hurt, and it's hard not to care what other people think. (not to mention I immediately went home and started slathering on more Clinique moisturizer). 


I follow a blog called Positively Positive. I like it because it gives positive ways to deal with life's gigantic ginormous little stresses. Instead of acting like this


source


with a big frowny face and a defensive retort, take a second to reflect on something you really like about yourself. I like my twirly whirly hair, for example. It is so very me.


She also talks about how to hand out criticism (come on, you know you do it).  


" "Before you criticize, start out with an affirmation, as in “You really have an eye for color, and I like what you did with the furniture. Though I’m not really crazy about the new bedspread.” By starting with an acknowledgement of what you do like, you are far more likely to avoid getting anyone’s defenses up, and increase your chances of having a reasonable, hostility-free discussion. Either way, you are probably stuck with the bedspread.' "


I like this. I have been working hard at using more positive "I am"  statements about myself. You know the ones. I am smart. I am prosperous. I am happy......


It's amazing, but the more I use those statements, the better I feel about myself and the easier it is to cope with those unnecessary criticisms. 


Let me say right now, I think you all are wonderful. I can't imagine ever criticizing you. After all. you do read my  blog, and leave me wonderful comments, and I'm sure you love my twirly whirly hair. Don't you???




 

30 comments:

  1. Wow, that gal needs an edit button on her mouth. Based on your blog, I think you are pretty wonderful.

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  2. I do love your twirly whirly hair and your wrinkles! Hey some people have no edit on their mouths. Hugs, Linda

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  3. Why would a "friend" criticize to begin with! Seriously....you're great with your twirly whirly hair!

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  4. Who says things like that???? I mean really, I can't imagine a "friend" even going there...hey we all are aging and that's not where our focus should be when with another person!!!!!! Life is too short to give that any of your time or energy! Yep, you're rocking that twirly, whirly hair!!!

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  5. >ROFL> I actually LOL on that! WHO says stuff like that? LOTS of people have no etiquette anymore. After my daughter was born, I had terrible varicose and spider veins. A woman I barely knew felt she had to tell me how horrible my legs looked. Well, thank you very much. I wish I could think of a snappy comeback for stuff like that. And I love your twirly hair. She's probably jealous!

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  6. Twirly-whirly hair, beautiful smile, sparkle in your eye - beautiful!
    You could gracefully remind her that SHE is an OLD friend right??
    xo Cathy

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  7. I think your twirly whirly hair is beautiful. There are no visible wrinkles by the way. All I see are character lines :-). Have a wonderful weekend. Blessings...Mary

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  8. Ouch. What friend would criticize a few wrinkles? It's the beauty inside that counts anyway. And you are beautiful inside and out. Look at that beautiful smile and I love the twirly-whirly hair. I wish I had a few twirly curls in my straight hair.
    Have a wonderful weekend, Laura

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  9. Laura,
    You call that person a friend? I think you are being too kind. As 'we' become older, we want 'friends' who grow with us. I would have asked her 'why do you need to know about my sister's wrinkles?'.

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  10. Wow, your first comment should have been, "That was a very mean comment." I am all about letting people know when they hurt my feelings because, it's quite possible, she didn't even realize how bad her comment sounded. I think you're beautiful!

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  11. My hair was straight as a stick all growing up--and from about 10-20, I used to get regular permanents to have curls! So yes, I love your twirly-whirly hair. And I think you're pretty wonderful, blog and all!

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  12. Laura,
    I have wished a million times to have twirly whirly hair! You are a beautiful woman, that's all there is to it.
    I had a "friend" with no edit button on her mouth- she eventually had to be edited right out of my life.
    Your friends should lift your spirits and celebrate your mind, body and soul.
    If they don't, are they really a friend?
    Look at your photo- you're radiant.
    You live with constant pain and you are radiant!
    I think that's all you need to see.
    xxx, T.

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  13. Thanks for recommending the Positively Positive site. I could use some PP right now. PS: I'd give anything for twirly whirly hair!

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  14. I call that a 'backhanded compliment', it slaps you upside the head without warning. Wrinkles, lines, gray hair, they all add character. After all, no wrinkles and no gray hair would look strange on my body. I have noticed that when people are especially critical, they are really unhappy with themselves and it comes out in their thoughts and words.

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  15. I LOVE your twirly, whirly hair...it looks just like my daughters and it is wonderful. I DO NOT like the old bag (pardon the expression) that asked you about your sister's wrinkles. You SHOULD have said...Hmmm...don't know but...is YOUR sister's BUTT as big as yours?;>) But-that is just me and I am sure you are a much nicer person than I am! You just keep on smiling, cuz you do it so prettily! xo Diana

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  16. Love your hair! Who could not? Listen to your own inner voice.
    I so enjoy your tastefully done blog.

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  17. ... and wrinkles are bad? ; )

    It does amaze me how friends (and strangers) can be so judgmental. I have tons of silver grey strands that run all through my otherwise full head of thick black hair. I've never colored my hair and never will ... my aging is my own and I've made a conscious decision to let my aging be what it is as long as I keep myself healthy. BUT I've had my share of folks asking when I'll color my hair, why don't I color my hair, and how could I not color my hair. I'd rather spend the money on yarn!

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  18. Love the term, curly whirly...my hair does that when the humidity rises and I now know I should appreciate the body it has, but during the 60's I hated it.
    I guess that person had no edit button, as someone mentioned. It is so sad that we no longer embrace the natural aging of our bodies. My grandmother had lovely gray hair and wrinkles and a grandmotherly figure that was soft and comforting. I just cringe when I see people who have had face lifts, lift poofs and other surgeries that make them look very strange.
    It is difficult to have the presence of mind to react to such a strange comment, especially when you would never think to say something like that to another person. Well, if she reads your blog, her face might be a bit red.

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  19. I think it is good manners to be able to say your opinion without hurting the other person. And yes, when criticizing we have to find the best way of doing it. I don't mind criticism, in fact I appreciate it, I like knowing what the people around me think about what I am doing, etc. because it gives me a reality check. On the other hand, criticism from a distant acquaintance is what I consider bad taste and do not even take it seriously.

    To make you feel better: you know that this wasn't personal, don't you? Whatever we say to others, we say to ourselves. I bet she hates her wrinkles.

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  20. I love your twirly whirly hair. And, it takes a long time to properly grow wrinkles. Nothing looks worse than these older Hollywood stars who get facelifts and have all their wrinkles removed. They look downright scarey. While I'm not overly fond of my wrinkles, I've earned every last one, and every gray hair as well. But, what a rude thing for someone to say. Those kind of people have to tear others down to makes themselves feel better.

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  21. Love your hair and your blog. (And I'm sure I have MANY more wrinkles than you.)

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  22. this was my blog post yesterday...exactly this!! all because of ONE lousy comment out of like 200 on my blog...I mean really? how could I be so sensitive? so I started to look around at how other people deal with insults...interesting that i found it in my own son!
    but I like your blog AND you lovely hair!!!

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    Replies
    1. I'm off to read your post. How did I miss it.

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  23. Wow! That so called old "friend" has some nerve! No one is perfect and everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. If you really wanted to I'm sure you could have pointed out something not so pretty about her...start with her rudeness. LOL But, you showed her that you have class! I can't stand woman like her and there are a lot of them. I think some are just rude, but most are insecure.
    You hair is beautiful! Mine is so straight and I was always curling it. :)
    Have a wonderful Sunday!

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  24. Laura,
    I think sometimes people speak without thinking ...to fill up the silent spaces. It is a nervous thing.
    I love the way you look especially your twirly hair! You have such a sweet smile too.

    Hugs,

    ♥charlotte

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  25. I think I would have said, "yes, I have a few wrinkles, and I also have manners, too", but that is just me. Your friend makes me think of that quote by Abe Lincoln that says "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"!

    You have a beautiful smile and great looking hair. I wouldn't worry about a few wrinkles or what an unthinking friend says!

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  26. Of course we do! This is why we keep coming back for more every day! :)

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  27. When I was younger, I got my feelings hurt too easily. It doesn't happen as often now...but, oh yes...I can get them hurt. Some people are just so blunt and I'm not used to that. I also need to learn to speak up when it happens. I never know what to say and think about it too much later. Thanks for the link...and to answer you question...YES! I love your hair. Mine is straight...but it suits me, too! We would make a pair if we ever got together! We both love to smile!

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  28. Dear Laura, I came to check you outdoor dining post (beautiful posts) and then
    saw this older post with you photo and thought "SHE IS SO PRETTY, I am going to look at THAT photo"! Isn't it funny??? An it was a post about criticism???
    I do get defensive and also I think: WHAT'S THE POINT??? specially in this case, can YOU DO ANYTHING TO REVERSE the wrinkles at this point???
    SO, pointless. And it is all a matter of perspective, I think you are beautiful, and did not even SEE any wrinkles!!! So, the way we SEE is what has to change, LOL!
    I do love your curly hair! And your pretty face!!! But most of all, I love how KIND you are... I THANK YOU for all your kindness with me.

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Thank you for your sweet messages. I read every one of them.