I am a woman and for most of my life I have been conditioned to be a caregiver, a pleaser, to listen to the choices of others, to follow the paths that others set out for me, to put myself second.
It was as if I wasn't able to make good choices for myself. I was a girl child, a teenage girl, a young woman, a mother, and an aging woman. Through all of these phases there was always someone telling me how to live my life, and although I would attempt to rise up and rebel, my voice seemed muffled. Do it our way they would say. We know what is best for you I would hear. Don't try that you will fail.
So I would take one step forward and two steps back. It was as if there was a tune playing in my head that only I could hear, but I was trying to dance to the tune that others were playing, and their tune was drowning mine out. What I have learned is that we can never be full happy if we are living our lives according to someone else's wishes. Yes, we will most certainly fail at times, but we will be failing on our own terms, and through those failings we learn who we are. We learn to pick ourselves up and continue on our own unique path.
It is never to late to follow your own path, and some of us start much later than others, but by listening to your inner voice you will learn just who you are. You will learn to spread your wings and fly. You will learn that your path is uniquely yours. You will find your voice.
I have been giving a lot of thought lately about my blog, my writing, my sharing of thoughts.
Saturday I wrote here about needing some alone time and my afternoon spent wandering the backroads. I am a self supporting woman. I rely on myself and my own abilities to bring in an income. That income has not been sufficient the last few years and that has caused me a lot of worry.
When I first started this blog it was to promote my Etsy business. It has since evolved into something much more. It is an expression of my feelings and a way to reach other women. I want to inspire, to let you know you are not alone, to reach out across the miles. I have incorporated my training and experience as a counselor to share and hopefully to help heal. So how do I tie in my writing with my need for an income? This is what I have been trying to determine recently, and I haven't reached a conclusion. I have even thought about giving up my blog to focus on my vintage and antique business, but through meditation and prayer I have realized that my blog helps to feed my spirit.
Advertisers seem to want blogs that are more about home decor/gardening, and as much as I love to decorate I am not in my own home so that is not what I am about at this stage of my life. I think there is a need for women my age to connect, to share, and to inspire. We have a wealth of experience and knowledge that we can pass on not only to each other, but to those coming behind us. We have stories to share.
So I will continue to contemplate. I may not write every day because other things in life are calling me right now. The care of my mother. The need to earn a living. Other family obligations. I will continue to write, though and I will hopefully have more time for visiting. I would love to hear your thoughts. They are important to me.
P.S. I know that Google+ keeps reverting my blog to a no reply blog. I am not sure why, but I will try once again to fix it.
I have been desperately in need of some alone time and today seemed like the perfect time for it.
Yesterday was not the best of days. My mom called me early to tell me she was in terrible pain again. I had to remind her that the doctor said there was nothing more they could do until they were able to get her into the hospital in Indianapolis for electrohydraulic lithotripsy. Although it is three hours from us it seems to be the place where we will have to go. Then I got an email saying that my mom's beautiful platter that I sold on Etsy had arrived to the buyer shattered. To top it all off my granddaughter was bitten by a dog. SIGH!!! So yes, I needed some alone time.
Today seemed like a great day for wandering the backroads. It was one of those perfect days. The kind that you want to grab up and stick in your pocket. Because you know that next winter there will come a time when you will want to rummage around in your closet, find those white summer pants, dig down deep in that pocket and pull that day out just so you can savor it again. The day was perfect. All the colors, which had seemed muted for so many months were at their most brilliant. The bright blue sky held a sprinkling of marshmallow clouds.
Spring was popping out all along the road
with color everywhere.
I think even the cows were happy for such a beautiful day.
After a couple of hours of wandering around and thinking I was lost several times, I came back home much more relaxed.
I often wonder, as I write my posts, if I am reaching anyone. I mean REALLY reaching anyone. Then I take a step back and think. If even one of my posts makes a difference in one person's life then it is worth it. If even one of my posts lets someone know that they are not alone in their struggles then it is worth it. If even one of my posts puts a smile on one person's face, even if only for a moment, then it is worth it. Because I know that even the smallest things can make a difference in my own life. A smile, a kind word, a simple gesture. These are all things that can brighten my day. So I try to pass these things forward. I may not be rich with things or money, but I am rich in so many other ways. So I continue to smile and say hello to strangers. I hold the door to let others pass through. I start each day with feelings of gratitude, and I write my blog in hopes that it brightens someone's day somewhere. Because even though I may feel that my light is small I never know just where it may be shining. So keep your light shining. Each of you has made a difference in my life.
Are you like me? Do you make plans? Do you set down roots?
And then life intrudes? You make a schedule. You plan your hours, your days, your weeks, your months, your year. You know just what you want to do, but then life intrudes. The hours that you planned to write your blog posts, to read blogs, to take photos are suddenly filled with other things. A sick mother, who needs help. Tiredness from anemia that no one bothered to tell you about. Hands that hurt too badly at times to type on the computer. LIFE!!! and life tends to intrude. So, you learn to be more flexible. To adjust. Because life will always intrude and it is important to just sit sometimes and appreciate the beauty of the world around you.